A Therapist and Mom’s Reflection on Self-Concept at a Typical School Morning Drop-Off
This morning, after dropping off my six-year-old son at school, I lingered for a moment as I heard another child calling out their “goodbyes” and “I love yous” to their parent or grandparent. That simple sound carved out a deep furrow in my heart.
As both a mom and a therapist, I know those seemingly small moments are anything but small. They are building blocks. They’re the everyday exchanges that tell a child: You matter. You’re safe. You’re loved.
In my therapy work, I’ve sat with countless clients who never received that kind of reassurance and validation. Instead, their childhood interactions with caregivers and other family members were rushed, distracted, or even painful and abusive. As adults, they find themselves carrying the weight of core beliefs like “I’m unlovable,” “I’m not enough,” “I’m not safe,” or “I don’t matter.”
The research confirms what I see in my practice:
By around age seven, most of us have already formed the core beliefs that shape how we see ourselves and the world around us.
If those early messages were negative, they can echo throughout our lives—in struggles with anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, or a nagging sense of not being good enough.
It’s why a husband might never feel like he measures up in his wife’s eyes, or why a woman who grew up in her sister’s shadow may carry a lifelong sense of inferiority. These struggles are not about the present alone—they’re rooted in the stories we began telling ourselves a long time ago.
But here’s the beautiful truth: healing is possible.
Negative core beliefs may never disappear completely, but we can learn to soften their hold.
Over time, they can feel more like a distant relative in the background of our lives rather than a constant companion whose main goal is to diminish our value, worth, or sense of safety and belonging.
Through healing from trauma and practicing new validating thoughts and experiences, we can begin to write a different story. For example, a person who has always believed “I’m not enough” can, through the healing process, gently begin nurturing their inner child and practice a new thought: “I am worthy of love just as I am.” Over time, pairing these thoughts with new experiences creates a different, healthier sense of self.
It’s like a seed that’s been buried underground for years—finally breaking through the soil, reaching toward the light, allowing itself to grow into a flower.
It takes patience. It takes work. But it’s worth it.
As both a mom and a therapist, I believe deeply in the power of slowing down, listening, and offering ourselves the love and validation we may have missed. Because we all deserve to believe something truer, kinder, and more uplifting about ourselves.
If this resonates with you, reach out today to see how you can begin working through your negative core beliefs.
With support, you can start growing into the person you were always meant to be.
- Leah Chacko, M.S., LPCC
